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[22 Feb 2007|01:49am]
[ mood | cansado ]

my composition notebook looks like a spiderweb. 

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Happiness outweighs death. [21 Feb 2007|01:45am]
[ mood | tired ]

"It is not chaos or death -- it is form, union, plan -- it is eternal life -- it is Happiness."

Walt Whitman, "Song of Myself" - Section 50

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[14 Feb 2007|11:01pm]
i deleted my other lj and for some reason i never deleted this one.

something funny is going on and i can't quite put my finger on it. or maybe i just don't want to. either way, i know that i miss some people that i used to not have to miss; seeing an old face was good until that old face turned its cheek; and "things aren't looking up for me right now."
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the cure owns me. [25 Aug 2002|01:19pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

yes i know i haven't updated in forever, i have been so extremely busy lately what with volleyball at school starting that i haven't had time.

..as a result of much self reflection in the past few days all i've come up with is this:

//i haven't the slightest clue who my friends are
//i need to lose atleast 10 pounds in the next 2 weeks
//both my cd and record collections are pitiful, but i depend on them to live. [in short..there's much i'd like to acquire]
//i let my jealous nature manifest itself in every one of my friendships and it ruins me.
//i need to accomplish much with all the issues i care about this year. no more procrastination.
//just live.

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[01 Aug 2002|08:47pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

i think that at a low point in one's life, there is always a light. i believe that everyone has strength. though some feel they don't, i think it just takes longer for some people to realize it. i believe you can overcome any sadness, pain, fear, and loss, if you only let yourself open up to realize the new strength you have attained from the battle. i believe that at your most lonesome moment, believe it or not, there is always someone over your shoulder. i believe everyone should surround themselves with someone who makes them laugh, someone who makes them love, someone who makes them cry, someone who makes them feel, and someone who makes them live, so they can experience all of the emotions that life gives us. i believe that even at your lowest moment, everything will eventually be fine.

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what makes you happy? [31 Jul 2002|12:21pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

the loud thumping bass line i'm hearing only makes the jumpiness of my stomach worse. ever get that worried and excited feeling for no reason at all? i can barely sit still and yet i don't feel like moving myself around. it's not an excess amount of energy that's making me like this, it's just my state of mind. nevertheless, my stomach doesn't seem to be enjoying staying in one place.

you, yes you, [even though you don't know who you are] make me like this. you give me those awful butterflies in my stomach that make me feel like i'm a little 10 year old girl.

there are a lot of people i'd like to hang out with more, but i don't want to list you all for fear i would forget someone or the order i put your names in would make someone feel less loved or something like that. i manage to piss people off a lot, and listing people would just be another easy way for me to anger even more people.

but, point being...don't be hesitant to hang out with me. now, i have no fucking clue why anyone would be hesitant in the first place, except that they don't think it would be worth their time and effort [perfectly understandable]. but if you don't find me annoying/boring/uninteresting/stupid/etc etc i encourage you to come and visit me.


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and if i'd had my way, you wouldn't have left. [30 Jul 2002|01:01pm]
so i'm torn between feelings of joy and these damn feelings of confusion. i'm really beginning to wonder if anyone is paying attention anymore.

i may not be the most witty, or the most interesting, far from the most intelligent or beautiful...but nevertheless does anyone notice what's going on? perhaps i've been far too preoccupied with going after a certain someone [previously someones] for far too long now. and maybe my goals have just been based and aimed towards such superficial things that i have somehow lost along the way any real character i once possessed.

everywhere i turn i am meeting new people, struggling to assert myself in this tidalwave of introductions and facades, of people not really being aware of their surroundings. i'm thrown into this mess of people wanting change but yet yearning for things to stay the same; the same as back when they had the insatiable curiosity about the interesting new people around them and everyone was friends. and i'm one step behind, still in awe of everything around me, and yet already facing the feelings of a jaded onlooker who scorns upon everything and everyone they don't know or only once knew.

so dance dance dance, i certainly know i'm not a memorable face and i don't expect you to remember me. we'll all just forget in a little while, it's just a matter of how long.

so in the meantime, pretend for all it's worth.
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[29 Jul 2002|02:29pm]
[ mood | morose ]

does anyone ever get that feeling of hopelessness -- that you haven't quite found your place in the world? well, i do. and god do i sound pathetic..

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"so,doyouwanttotalkonlinesometime?"-pickup-lineof the future. [27 Jul 2002|06:17pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

answer the following questions using the lyrics from only one band:

band: ataris

1. Are you male or female?:
stupid teenage chicks.

2. Describe yourself?:
i take pride in what i do, and i do it well. call me easy-going but at least i have a fininshed story to tell. cause tomorrow i just might be another face on T.V. being arrested for telephone fraud or beating someone to death with my guitar.

3. How do they feel about you?:
things are looking bleak, everyone thinks that i'm a geek.

4. How do you feel about yourself?:
just as long as i act cool then people will suck up to me. they won't realize that i'm a fake and that's what i'm going to be.

5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend?:
why do i always believe, that i'm in love with everyone i see?.... love is blind and so unkind. i never can make up my mind.

6. What would you rather be doing?:
cruise along the 101 in the california sun. sing descendents songs and have ourselves lots of fun. stay out drinking really late. stumble home from lower state. treat every day like it would be our first date.

7. Describe where you live?:
don't you know i really hate it. oh yes i really hate it. i'd rather be anywhere but here.

8. Describe how you live?:
being alone isn't really all that bad.

9. Describe how you love?:
should i try and make it last?

10. Share a few words of wisdom?:
the objects in your mirror are closer than they actually appear.

if you think you've found the one that you really love. make sure they love you back.

if you have my number, then call. i love phonecalls. or if you know where i live, then stop by. i love visitors. it gets really lonely around these parts. <3.

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drop this bitch a line! [26 Jul 2002|04:00pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

so, kay, i really like receiving emails. though i rarely ever receive personal ones. so this is just asking that if anyone is ever ultra bored and would like to write me a nice (or mean, but preferably nice) email that i really enjoy getting them. even if it is just to say hi. i will send a nice reply back!


do that up mothafuckahz! and i'll love you for a lifetime. xo!

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obligations are so passe. [25 Jul 2002|02:20pm]
[ mood | good ]

boyohboy did i flip out over virtually nothing yesterday. the computer is fixed, a day later. my dad just restored everything on it and we had to buy a new internet card. everything is new and updated and pretty. i'm starting to like it!

now i'm going to go take a bubbly bath. talk to you later kittens. xo!

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help! [24 Jul 2002|01:25pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

my computer has turned itself into a pure piece of shit. not that it wasn't before, but it's 10x worse now..

first off, the speakers have decided to stop working. real nice. imissmydearmp3s! i have resorted to using a cd player riiight next to the computer so i can have some sort of music playing incessantly.

secondly, whenever i go to a website, or i am 'surfing the net' per se, the website will suddenly close. thus, i have not even touched the 'X' button, so why would the website close so abruptly?

i don't know if this has to do with my internet connection, or it is the computer itself. but i really hope it is fixable.

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i like to hold these times at bay. [23 Jul 2002|07:08pm]
[ mood | just barely hangin' in there. ]

today was such a long day. i feel really empty today. i think i started thinking of everything and it just clouded my mind completely. sometimes i get in these moods, i miss people, i'm sad for people, and i feel like i have no place anywhere. i want to be everything to everyone and just make people smile. but sometimes you get pulled in every which direction and when you can't please one person you are letting them down. i want to see everyone i love happy. i think this stems from a few things. i really miss some friends i haven't seen in awhile. where are you guys? i feel disconnected from these people that i once spent almost every day with and talked on the phone with for hours upon hours.

time to jet. erin and i are gonna hang out with steven for his birthday. should be nice since i haven't seen him in weeks. i think things are starting to look up. xoxox.

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and as we know, there is only one way out [21 Jul 2002|05:51pm]
[ mood | hot ]


so everything is finefine right now. i think i just have a god-awful tendancy to worry about nothing and everything all at once and it sometimes throws me over the edge.

before i go, ponder this:
why are some people so obnoxious and dramatic? perhaps, they, themselves need to get a grip on what is REALLY important in life and move forward. please, don't meddle in things you're just wasting your time in just to make yourself feel more important or pleased that you succeeded in insulting someone. it's so very sad. hint: if you don't like me, then you don't, but there is absolutely no need to go further. <3!

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sucka. [21 Jul 2002|03:04pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

1. Who was the last person you yelled at?: my brother.
2. Who was the last person you kissed?: justin.
3. What was the last memorable book you read?: "my sweet audrina".
4. When did you last dance?: at camp.
5. What's the last thing you want to hear from your parents?: "you're a failure".
6. When did you last go for a walk in the park?: i haven't done that in a while.
7. When did you last do your ironing?: never.
8. When was the last time you smiled all day?: the first day of camp.
9. What color of socks do you normally wear?: usually white.
10. Did you ever attend a private school?: nah.
11. Do you like stuffed animals?: i love em.
12. Have you ever smashed pumpkins?: probably.
13. Can you quote Shakespeare?: "we are such stuff as dreams are made on..." -the tempest.
14. Can you quote a movie?: kate: "can I ask you something? do you believe in love that lasts forever?" luc: (thinks) "well, i loved my mother." -from french kiss.
15. Do you like playing baseball?: i do.
16. Are you a neat freak?: oh yes.
17. What is the worst injury you have ever given someone?: i can't think of one.
18. Do you ever eat lemons plain?: yes. they're tarty!
19. Have you ever fired a gun?: yes, but not at someone.
20. Do you own any knee-high boots?: nope. slutcore? naw.
21. What are you doing tomorrow?: what are YOU doing tomorrow?
23. Have you ever streaked at a football game or any other public event?: nah.
24. What is your favorite gemstone?: ruby.
25. Have you gone on many blind dates?: nope.
26. Has someone done something extra nice for you?: of course.
27. Did you have a crush on any of your teachers?: hahaha well, my only male teachers are either manic-depressant or complete faggots so no.
28. Have you ever been lost in a bad part of a city?: haha surprisingly no.
29. Would you rather have a mint or fruit flavored Gum?: mint.
30. Do you have road rage?: i know i will.
31. Do you ever eat food right out of cans or jars?: not usually.
32. Has your mind ever gone blank?: many times a day.
33. Have you ever met anyone interesting at the local laundromat?: i can't say i have.
34. Are you kind?: i hope so.
35. Would you give a needy person the shirt off your back?: maybe so.
36. Do you have any beanie babies?: yes.
37. Would you rather be hot or cold?: warm and toasty.
38. Is the glass half full, or empty?: half-full.

so, i was watching coyote ugly today while i was running on the tread. that would be such an awesome life. seriously. except that i don't like lots of people watching me. anyways, time to go. bye!

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whoa whoa whoa! [20 Jul 2002|09:07pm]
[ mood | excited ]

i got my permit!!!! i know this really isn't a big deal at all. wow, i passed a very simple computerized test but i am the happiest girl around the block. it's been thirteen days since my birthday and i became too wrapped up in other things to get it then so i have it now. the countdown can FINALLY begin! xo!

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update! [18 Jul 2002|06:11pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

hello, hello! well it's been a while since i've written! i just got back from the beach about a week ago and i've been so busy! first things first... the beach was so much fun.. it was like perfect beach weather! the day i got back i started drivers ed.... eeehh the teacher is wacked... i swear all he talks about are accidents he's "witnessed" and about how people have died in his arms and all this other crap that is without a doubt made up. tomorrow i take the written test and if i pass... which i more than likely will... i get my permit! haha yay! big wooohooo... oh yeah.. i'm also in this summer volleyball league thingy for mchi. we have games like every week of july and on mondays and wednesdays.. i'm so out of shape! haha.. i've just been at camp and then the beach and now i have to get back into the whole volleyball groove.. soo i started running and working out at the country club everyday.. i used to run like every morning during school and then when i got home... and going and running on a tredmill in the a/c is definitely more relaxing to me.. so i'm happy! well that's pretty much it for now... i'll write more later!


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i love it! [11 Jun 2002|07:28pm]
[ mood | excited ]

yay! i'm so excited... this thursday i leave for a volleyball tournament in orlando, florida! eeeehh it sucks though coz all of us have to meet at the airport at 4:30 in the morning! jeeezz.. it's going to be soo much funn... i've been packing all week and the previous weeks too for this and for camp... talk about child labor... i've been running back and forth from my house to the mall getting ready. it's crazy, but it's all worth it.. i met some of my best friends there and it's really awesome coz i see them every summer for 3 weeks and those 3 weeks mean soo much to me! for everyone i KNOW... it would be really awesome if you would write to me while i'm there... june 18 - july 6 [my bday] you can just e-mail me at: dwru@cabins.camplonghorn.com and just put my name in the subject box! okay well i guess that's all for now... i'm probably forgetting something but oh well.... byee :]

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sensuous goods [07 Jun 2002|09:45am]
[ mood | creative ]

one way to get in touch with your senses is to cleanse yourself in a relaxing bath of sea salts. instead of getting expensive sea salts, you can make your own. here is a list of ingredients used to make some:

1 c. epsom salts
1 c. sea salts
1 c. baking soda
25 drops lavender essential oil
5 T. dried peppermint and spearmint leaves [ground up in mortal and pestle so they go down the drain when you are done]

mix all ingredients and stir for a good five minutes or so to blend the mixture with the oils. and about 1/2 cup to each bath. you can add more or less depending on your mood.

don't forget lots of candles! and a good cup of tea to sip while you lay back and relax in your bath of sea salts.... :]

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i<3quizzes [07 Jun 2002|09:37am]

I'm completely down-to-earth!

Find your soul type
at kelly.moranweb.com.
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